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Soo..decided that curvy girl with the 38ish-inch hips and the 30ish-inch waist, the perky boobs, the big hair and the round eyes who wears an inverted pentagram necklace (silver with red or black) and who has VERY LOUD MUSIC coming from her headphones is hot, have you? However, if you think that this article is how to attract Iron Maiden, you're a bit off-course. For a good basic grounding in Metal, listen to everything by Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Pantera and Megadeth. If she likes Candlemass and Black Sabbath, on the other hand, you're in luck, because those guys play about as fast as a zombie in a tank of molasses in the middle of a blizzard. If you're feeling lucky, you might even substitute "smokin' bitches with bangin' tits" for "hot chicks".The way to do that is to be female, and if you want to attract metal chicks you usually either aren't female, or you aren't the kind of female who would be interested in Iron Maiden ...seeing as how they're all male... However, she will hate you for the rest of eternity. If you want some fashion advice as well, watch This Is Spinal Tap. To do this, follow her every day and notice the band names on her T-shirts. If she likes Poison, give up because that bitch is a lesbian who hasn't realised it yet. You'll still probably suck, but you should at least be able keep up with 'em! Try saying, "Hey, my band gives free tickets to all hot chicks. If you say it with just the right mixture of cockiness and misogyny, she will respect your Metalness.Metal chicks enjoy the simple things, such as having passionate sex while listening to Insomnium. You should definitely question why that isn’t her favorite album; but then you have to remind yourself that The Red in the Sky is Ours is a great album, as well.Afterward, put in the new Carcass album and ask what her opinion on that album is. And if she replies that she feels their best work is Necroticism, then marry her.She will also debate if whether Possessed or Death was the inventors of the death metal genre.

After the gig, go to the bar, stand next to her and say, "I can't believe no one turned up. If she says "no", envelop her in a rough bear hug, tell her she's one honest bitch, and demand sex, right there on the bar.

She will talk crap about Alissa White-Glutz as the new Arch Enemy vocalist and claim how bands such as Whitechapel and Thy Art is Murder are destroying the metal genre.

But don’t leave the ridicule to national bands, you two will find shitty locals on Facebook and laugh at their awful recordings and their sad attempts at gaining a fanbase.

This can be ascertained by flicking her with a finger. Remember, Metal chicks dig guys who stalk them while staring at their tits! Double points if you say it while making "devil-horn" gestures and doing a tongue-wag.

Having a mullet will get you in the sack with the girls in a heartbeat. If she likes Slayer and Iced Earth, give up, because by the time you learn to play your instruments that fast, she will be an old lesbian with boobs so saggy that she can tuck them into her support hosiery.

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Then joke about how one day they will sell Burzum shirts since black metal will become a mass-produced fad, and swear to burn down every store that sells them if that actually happens.

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